It's been two and a half months since the Boston Marathon bombings, and I'm happy to say that my family is moving forward. I think about it less each day, but can often be reminded when Paige starts asking her innocent questions. "Where's the bad guy now, dada? Is he in jail? Is jail far away? Will the bad guy be at your next race?" When the questions first started immediately following the marathon there was a sense of fear that came with them, but as time has passed she seems to be asking more for reassurance that she is safe.
Unfortunately, I cannot just lie and say she'll always be safe and that something like this would never happen again. What I can tell her is that her mommy and daddy will protect her, and that even though there are some bad guys in the world there are a lot more of the good guys. Whenever she brings up the finish line we try to remind her of the good guys. Katie will often ask her if she remembers all the policeman that came to help everyone, and I hope this is what will stick with her. She recently asked if she could "shoot the bad guys." It was a little frightening to hear my 3 year old so innocently ask that question, and even harder to explain to her that we don't shoot bad people, we let the good guys put the bad guys in jail.
On Sunday I ran a leg of One Run Boston, a coast to coast race ending on the Boston Marathon course to raise money for the One Fund. When I signed up I knew I wanted to run part of the marathon course, but ever since April 15 I've questioned if I wanted to cross the finish line outside of the actual race. I decided to run the leg of the race that would end at the starting line of the marathon in Hopkinton. My six and a half mile leg of the course was mostly up hill, and it was exhausting, but approaching the starting line of the marathon made it all worth it. There was a large group of spectators, Katie and Paige included, along with members of the media and members of the BAA waiting there to cheer us on. Seeing Paige and Katie cheering for me unleashed a flood of emotions I wasn't expecting.
Paige was so happy watching one of her Dada's races again. She was cheering and smiling standing beside her mom and it brought tears to my eyes. At first the emotions were joy. I was thrilled to see my little girl there without the memories of the bad guys holding her back, but then I remembered the horror that she and Katie had witnessed. Anger came over me, real true anger for the first time since the marathon. When I got home from the One Run I had several text messages from friends and family asking me to join them on their way to the finish line, but I couldn't do it. I spent hours thinking about what the "bad guys" had put my family and so many other families through. I finally allowed the selfish thoughts to consume me. They had taken away my moment of glory. They had instilled a fear in so many children and adults that may fade, but will always be a part of them. They took away what the Boston Marathon had meant to me and my family. Marathon Monday will always be important, but it will no longer be a day about getting together to cheer and celebrate accomplishments. Now it becomes a day of that we will refer to as the 1st, the 2nd, the 3rd, ...anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombing. I hate the cowards that ruined this day, and yes maybe I part of me would love to shoot the remaining brother, but I will not let that emotion come across to my little girl. I know it's not right and I know if I let all these feelings take control they achieve what they set out to do and they win.
After a few nights of reflecting and thinking about the marathon all over again, I think I'm ready for some closure. Next week I'll be in Boston to see my favorite band. A few months ago I reached out to a member of the band, someone I have idolized for 13 years now and knowing he's into fitness, asking if he'd like to go for a run through the city before the show. I figured I didn't have anything to lose, worst case is that he doesn't respond. The exciting news is I got a message back a few short days later and we're heading out to run through some of Boston and to the marathon memorial. I plan to bring him down Boylston so that he can see the famous finish line, I think it's going to be a really amazing moment and experience for me. I'm honored that he thinks enough of his fans to give me this moment. As a thank you I've already got him a few Boston Strong shirts, and of course a Tedy's Team shirt. And even though I'll be on Boylston, and with someone I've looked up to for so long, it won't be the right time for me to cross the finish line.
I think it's extremely important that we always remember what happened and those that were impacted that day, but I will miss what it once was. I cannot say for sure what I'll feel about the 2014 Boston Marathon until April 21st, 2014 has come and gone, but I know it'll be emotional. I know I'll be excited, proud, and scared, but the important thing is that I'll be out there, as always as a member of Tedy's Team, and that is the day I will finally cross that finish line again.
The official fundraising for my 2014 season is underway. I continue to run as a member of Tedy's Team - raising funds and awareness to fight stroke. I run in honor of my father, my uncle, and so many of my family and friends that have been impacted. Please take a moment to visit my site, and while there feel free to make a donation to a great cause:
http://tedysteam2014.kintera.org/danfoley
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