Running Essentials

It's been a while since I've blogged and I've been one moody son of a bitch.  I figure getting some thoughts out here might help clear that up.  I really don't have much in particular to blog about, so I was going to take a minute to write about some of the things I have on me when I run and why they're important (I'm not talking about body glide, sports beans, or compressions shorts - but yes, they are essential as well).

One thing I've learned about myself is that I can often lose motivation rather quickly and so it's important that I remind myself why I do what I do.  As a way to remind myself of why I'm out there pushing my body I've got 4 very important things on me at all times.

1.  My wedding band.  Above all I need to remember it's not just about me.  Katie is my rock.  She is the one woman, person, friend I can always rely on no matter what.  She will be there cheering me on as I get a personal record or there to pick me up when I don't come anywhere close.  She's the one that got me into running in the first place.  She's the one that gives me the freedom to run whenever I want and the one that'll drive out into snow storms or out of her way to give me a bottle of water when I need it most.  Most importantly it helps to remind me that her and I are a team and I cannot look at any of this as "Operation Me", when it really has to be about "Operation Us."  Katie and I are going to run every half marathon together until she breaks her goal of under two hours.  We try again this coming Sunday!

2.  My red "Relentless" Leukemia and Lymphoma bracelet.  This bracelet was given to me by my good friend Meghan.  She had originally given me one that her mother wore during her battle with L&L, but unfortunately it was stolen with Kate's jewelry box this past December.  This bracelet reminds me why I started running in the first place.  It was a way to show someone I cared about how much I cared and a way to express how much I wanted to help them through a difficult time without knowing what to say or how to do it.  Although it all started with Mr. and Mrs. McCann the bracelet helps me remember many of the people I run for, like my dad.  It reminds me that no matter how hard it is to get out and run some of my longer runs that things could be much worse.  It means more than that though, it also reminds me that I have others looking out for me and supporting me from numerous directions.

3.  My black One With Them bracelet.  This bracelet's meaning is something entirely different to me than it's intent.  This was given to me by my friend Jack before he moved back home.  It's also got a few meanings to me.  First, it reminds me to keep faith in God.  Things happen for a reason and some recent events in my life have shown me just how true this statement is.  Second, it reminds me that I have more of an influence and an impact on people than I ever realized and that I need to stay confident in myself.  Since the beginning of this year I have had so many of my family and friends reach out to me and tell me how much I've inspired and influenced them.  Jack went from someone that hated running to someone that's now going to be training for a marathon.  My brother has lost almost 50 pounds and is training hard to run in this years Falmouth Road Race.  My sister has also reached out to me for fitness advice and is going to start training with me in the next few weeks.  It's been really incredible and I'm so thankful to know that I can make a difference in someone's life.

4.  My Paige 2-25-10 bracelet.  Paige is always on my mind.  I'm always pushing to set a good example and always trying my hardest to make sure she's proud of me, but I didn't carry anything on me while I ran that reminded solely of her.  I recently purchased a bracelet with her name and birthday on it, and I've been wearing it every day.  It's a way for me to always remember that no matter what happens to me during a run, or throughout the day there is someone that depends on me more than anything.  It just so happens that that little someone can also brighten my day and make me do things I never thought possible.  Paige has a new found love for motorcycles.  I recently told Kate that if she keeps up this love for motorcycles I'm going to have to learn to ride one and then buy one, because there is no way int his world I'm going to disappoint my little girl.  If she thinks they're cool, then her dad is going to be cool!  She continues to help me reevaluate all the choices I make.  Would it set the right example?  Is this something I want her to do one day?  Sometimes it'd difficult, but I know being a role model, especially for her isn't always going to be easy.  I need her in my life and I always want to carry something with me that reminds me of how much love I have for my baby girl.

Now, just because I know Matt usually has some smart ass comment I'll also throw out there that I always have 3 Doors Down on my IPod.  Surprise!  I recently just saw them for the 30th time, and it was a blast.  Keep on rocking! I'll keep on going!

One Mudder of a Blog

This past weekend was pretty incredible.  I took part in a 10 and a half mile military style obstacle course known as Tough Mudder.  I first heard about Tough Mudder from Amy's husband Jay last August while we were down the Cape preparing to run the Falmouth Road Race.  At the time I was nursing a knee injury and hadn't run in almost a month.  Jay showed me the website and I laughed at how insane the challenge seemed.  Never would I ever consider doing it....

Fast forward a few months.  Damien brought up Tough Mudder and was determined to get as many family and friends to join him as possible.  By this point I was signed up for the Boston Marathon and told him I'd consider it.  Fast forward another few months, early January.  I was hanging out with some Hanover folks at the Texas Roadhouse and was a few Killian Irish Red's in when another co-worker brought up the Mudder.  Beer balls!   BAM, I was in.  The next day at work I proved I wasn't all talk, paid the entry fee and soon we had formed team Phat Kids.

From January to May a lot happened, but most of the time I was focused on training for the Marathon.  I started a daily push up challenge with my buddy Jack to keep me somewhat focused on upper body strength and got stronger than I have ever been.  Then the Marathon came and went.  Emotionally it was an unbelievable experience, but the day was physically exhausting and I lost a lot of my motivation to focus on the Mudder, but that wouldn't stop it from coming.

Saturday morning I picked up Jack at the airport and we headed to Vermont with most of the team (Nick, Joe, Ian, Mike, and Damien).  Saturday night came and went and it was time for the event.  When we arrived at the mountain we could see the first wave of people had already started.  Looking as high as you could on Mount Snow you could see the deserted ski trails littered with people.  One thing was certain, Heartbreak Hill looked simple.  As we waited to start the anxiety was overwhelming for me, so much so that a few of my teammates started to comment that I was making them nervous.  It only built when I saw that we had to climb over an eight foot wall just to get to the starting line.  Then it was time.  As a team we made it over the wall and to the start, and as soon as I was within the anxiety turned to excitement.  It was one of the first times in my life that I stood there with a group of people and knew that it didn't matter what obstacles I could complete it was enough that all of us had signed up and were there ready to start as a team.

After the start line it was straight up the mountain ankle deep in mud.  Then, straight down the mountain, ankle deep in mud.  Jack was the first to wipe out, Damien quickly followed, and by mile 3 we were all a blur of muddy shirts.  There were 28 obstacles along the way.  We jumped into a dumpster filled with ice and water, climbed up and down hills of mud for 2 miles, crawled under barbed wire (and yes, it was real), crawled through pitch black underground tunnels, climbed cargo nets, jumped off planks into freezing cold water, crawled through water while electrical wires dangled from above, walked across balance beams with freezing water below, attempted monkey bars, slid down ice mounds, scaled a cliff (more or less), ran up a half pipe, got sprayed by a fire house, ran through a trail lined with burning hail bails, and climbed through logs wrapped in barbed wire.  Some of us were stronger than others during some of the obstacles, but we all stuck together and finished as the Phat Kids.

The months of hill training and long distance running definitely prepared me well for the mountain.  I had little to no pain in my calfs and legs the next day, but I learned my upper body still needs some work.  I was definitely able to do more than I would have ever been able to do in the past, and I'm proud of what I was able to do.  My only disappointment is that I choose to walk around one of the obstacles toward the end.  Rather than going over the 12 foot berlin wall, I helped my team get up and over and then met them on the other side.  I'm truly pissed at myself for this - there was no reason for me not to go over.  It wasn't an individual event, everyone needed their team to get over, and there were hundred's of strangers that were there willing to lift me.  This was the challenge that had me nervous from the moment I saw it.  I envisioned myself coming off of the wall and breaking my ankle and putting an end to all the running I have planned over the next few months.  I let my fear get the best of me.  It's like my mind is always looking for an out.  I'm always looking for something that can turn an incredible moment into a disappointment.  Well, props buddy, you did it again!  I dwelled on this a lot on Monday and Tuesday, but I'm ready to let it go now and just be proud of ever taking part in Tough Mudder.

To the 8 other Phat Kids - Damien, Jack, Joe, Nick, Meghan, Sarah, Ian, and Mike - thank you for an unbelievable experience.  Damien, thank you for planting the seed in my head and always giving me confidence to try new things and to be myself.  Jack, thanks for coming back to New England to be part of it all!  I hope the two of you are ready for some serious running once you've recovered.

One final thought now that the Marathon and the Mudder are behind me.  I'm in a complete post-event depression.  I have a sort of emptiness and I'm not sure how to fill the void.  I know it sounds insane, but I almost feel like I need my next challenge.  I still have the goal of a sub 4 hour marathon and I'm signed up for the Marine Corp, but right now it doesn't seem like enough.  I'm hoping as I get further from these events the feeling will go away, but right now it's not welcomed!

Below are some of my favorite pictures from the event:

2012 Boston Marathon Weekend captured by McCardinal Photo

The 2012 Boston Marathon - Thank you Tedy's Team!

When I started this blog back in December I knew that when I wrote about April 16, 2012 I'd be saying it was an amazing day, but I thought I would be bragging about accomplishing my goal and finishing the marathon in less than 4 hours.  Instead, I'm here with a finishing time of 5:07, 35 minutes over last years time.  What I got out of this race went far beyond any personal record, it was the truly the first time that I was able to experience the importance of a team and relying on your teammates.  

I had five incredible months of training.  I broke all sorts of personal records and goals I had set for myself and came out of it without any real injury.  Everything was set up for me to blow away my 2011 time of 4:32.  Then came the weather forecast - 80 degrees, then 82, then 86, then 90.  I was devastated to think all of my hard work was a waste because I wouldn't have a shot at my 4 hours, but after countless warnings from the BAA, our coach, and massive media hype I let go of those worries and really began to wonder if I was going to physically and mentally be up for it.  Over the weekend I had so many fears that I would either throw up or collapse on Boylston Street, right before the finish line - little did I know at the time my worst fear would happen.  

The temperature was already in the mid 70s at the start of the race, and by mile two I was already drenched with sweat.  Amy and I started off together as we had planned.  A few miles into the race with joined up with Tim, another member of Tedy's Team.  The 3 of us stuck together through the first half of the race.  We took walking breaks at every water stop and even a few in between.  It was a miserable day to run, but having teammates to help you through made a world of difference.  Tim had even shared with us his lack of training plan throughout the season, which made the fact that he was there all that more impressive.  At the half way point Tim couldn't keep the same pace with us any longer and told us to go on without him.  Amy and I continued for a few minutes discussing if it were the right thing to do.  Amy's ankle was really bothering her and the more than frequent walking breaks were taking a toll.  I could tell she was in pain and worried if she took it slower she wouldn't finish.  As much as I wanted to finish the race with my training partner I made the decision to stick back and wait for Tim.  It was a decision I will never regret.

The theme of our pasta party a few nights before the marathon was all about team, and I just felt as though I would be a hypocrite leaving Tim on his own.  It's not that I thought he wouldn't finish, but I knew Amy had the determination in her to make it to the end.  It was Amy's first marathon and she deserved to get the goal she wanted.  Tim and I ran together the rest of the way into Boston.  We took a lot of walking breaks and set small goals throughout the 13 miles.  We'd pick a street sign to start running at and another landmark down the road to stop for a walking break.  At one point along the Boston College campus I was starting to lose what was left of my steam.  Tim bolted ahead yelling to the crowd to give it up for his friend Dan.  An entire mile of drunken students chanting your name is a great motivator.  Tim's hamstring froze up on him just after his chant and it was my time to return the favor.  I didn't get nearly the crowd reaction he got for me, I got a lot to learn from this guy on how to motivate people, but I did my best.  

We ended up meeting up with two other members of our team, Jenn and Johnny.  They were running on the same tank we were and helping to push each other through.  The four of us ended up sticking together for the last long stretch into Boston.  Again we'd set small goals, but as the focus was on trying to get Johnny water I could feel my legs starting to cramp up.  It was at mile 23 that I thought I might not make it.  We got to the home stretch and decided we'd make ourselves look good and run strong through the finish.  At this point it had been over five hours and the temperature was just under 90 degrees.  We were on Hereford, all we had to do was take a quick left on Boylston and the finish line would be in sight.  Just before our left turn my right calf went hard as a rock and I couldn't take a step.  The four of us all stopped together.  Tim helped get the cramp out and Jenn gave one last pep talk.  We started jogging took our left and the finish line was in sight.  Half way down Boylston Johnny stopped to walk.  Tim, Jenn and I turned to get him moving again, but as we did both my calf muscles froze on me and I started to collapse, right there with the finish line in sight just as I had feared, and worse off right in front of my family.  Tim and Jenn caught me before I hit the ground.  At that moment I heard someone on the sideline say something along the lines of "That poor guy isn't going to finish and he's so close."  Luckily I was with my team.  Again Tim helped get my muscles moving again and he and Jenn started walking me toward the finish line.  

Johnny had no idea we had stopped and he had kept going to toward the finish, but right before he crossed he realized we weren't with him.  He came jogging back and took Jenn's place supporting me.  I honestly thought that this is how my marathon ended, that I was basically carried across the finish line, but luckily my sister-in-law Erin was right there recording the finish.  Right before we crossed they got me moving again and I was able to run across without any physical support.  Jenn, Johnny, Tim, and I all finished together.  It was an unreal moment.

Tim's girl came up to me at the Lenox hotel after party and thanked me for staying with him throughout the run, but truth is if I hadn't I have no idea if I would have ever have made it to the end.  It was honestly one of the most physically and mentally challenging moments of my life.  And as I said at the beginning it truly taught me what it was to be on a team.  As teammates we all helped each other through some tough spots, and literally carried each other to the finish.  

I know how amazingly cheesey this all sounds, but right now I'm on an emotional high and I don't care.  I am so proud to be a member of Tedy's Team and hope I am for years to come.  I barely know the 3 people that I crossed that finish line with, but they share one of the most important days of my life.

Finally, another quick thank you to all of our family and friends that were out on the course supporting us.  Having a familiar face in the crowd made a world of difference at some very important times.  I cannot express how challenging the high temperatures made this day.  It was a wildcard that none of us could really prepare for.  I'm so proud of my entire team, even the ones that weren't able to cross the finish line.  Most importantly I'm proud of my family.  Amy and Katie were able to get through some of the most difficult hours on their own.  They are two of the strongest and most determined women I know.  The fact that they faced it on their own and were able to push themselves is something I admire and something I never could have done on Monday.  I love you both and hope you realize what an amazing accomplishment you've both achieved.  This was my second Boston Marathon, but even before the race started I knew it was going to be the most important.

I've learned a lot about myself over these five months.  This isn't the end of my blog, just the end of this particular chapter.

One last Pre-Boston Blog.

First, thank you all for all the concern, kind words, support, and $$ that have gotten me, Katie, and Amy to this point.  Each day as the marathon has gotten closer my outlook on the outcome has changed.  I'm ready to take this on, to be safe, and to just finish the race.  Tomorrow will be one of the hottest Boston Marathon's on record and to one day look back and say I ran in some incredibly challenging circumstances will be a goal all in itself.

Tomorrow's run is more important to me than last year.  I've made this journey with family and I've grown physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been.  Tomorrow is about finishing that chapter of the journey, but not an end.

Tomorrow is about the American Stroke Association and raising awareness and fighting to end stroke.  Tomorrow is about my dad.  Him and I butt heads all the time and very rarely see each other's point of view, but I know how much I mean to him.  Tomorrow is about showing him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate everything he does.

Tomorrow has gone beyond just the cause I've helped raise money for over the past 5 months.  It's about all the people that have told me I've inspired them.  This is my way of continuing to inspire you - finishing the most challenging race of my life!  Let me also say I want to run a full marathon with each and everyone of you!

One last time, Katie - I love you and you're amazing for putting up with me.  I could never have become the man I am today without you by my side.

Finally, if tomorrow were an episode of Double Dare I'd say, "Physical Challenge Accepted."  Now, if only there were pools of green slime and giant peanut butter and jelly sandwiches standing in my way instead of intense heat.

To all the other runners out there - Good luck and be safe!

Warning issued from the BAA on Monday's Marathon.

New goal, be smart & be safe:

Advisory From Boston Marathon Medical Directors to Entrants in the 2012 Boston Marathon Saturday, April 14, 2012 as of 11:30 a.m. We are looking closely at the current weather situation which is projected  to be quite warm. The B.A.A. is closely monitoring this situation for for race day decisions. If the temperatures reach certain levels, running will put even the most fit athletes at risk for heat injury.    We are now making the recommendation that if you are not highly fit or if you have any underlying medical conditions (for example-cardiac disease, pulmonary disease or any of a number of medical problems), you should NOT run this race.    Inexperienced marathoners should not run.    Those who have only trained in a cooler climate and who may not be acclimated (for at least the last 10 days) to warm weather running conditions should also consider not running.    For those very fit athletes who decide to run, you should take significant precautions:    Run at a slower pace and maintain hydration. You should frequently take breaks by walking instead of running. This will not be a day to run a personal best.  If you choose to run, run safely above all else. Speed can kill. Heat stroke is a serious issue and is related to intensity of running as well as the heat and humidity. Good hydration is important but over hydration can also be a problem. Thirst is an indication that you are under-hydrated. You should maintain hydration levels slightly greater than your hydration program in your training, but not excessively so. Even the fittest athletes, that take precautions can still suffer serious heat illness. Recognizing symptoms of heat illness in yourself and others is critical , this may include headaches, dizziness, confusion, fatigue, nausea and vomiting. If you experience any of these, stop running immediately and if symptoms persist seek medical attention. Boston Marathon Co-Medical Directors, Dr. Pierre d'Hemecourt and Dr. Sophia Dyer

My journey to Boston...

Last blog I talked about how I couldn't do a thing about the weather and I'd stop worrying about it.  I lied.  The heat is expected to break some records on Monday, which would be awesome if I wasn't running 26.2 miles.  It's time to readjust the running plan along with 27,000 other runners.

When I first started writing this blog my goal was to improve upon my 2011 finish of 4:32 and end at or around 4:15.  It looks like with the circumstance of the heat my new goal is to just get a PR, 4:31 will even do.  Now, all this could change when I'm in the moment.  But ultimately with all the warnings we've been sent by the BAA and our coaches I just need to be smart and responsible.  My plan is to remember I'm trying to set an example for my Paigey and that there's someone a few strides behind me that needs me as much as I need her (I'm talking about my wife for those of you that didn't pick up on that, Matt).  26.2 miles is an accomplishment no matter what the time, and being able to say we raised $18k on top of running just makes it that much better.

For those of you out there cheering me on know that I'm doing the best I can on Monday for me, for you, and for a great cause.  Say a few prayers the temperature doesn't get too out of control and that the runners finish safely.  I know I'll have lots of you cheering me on in Natick, at heartbreak hill, and at Boston College.  I won't object to any of you having nice cold bottles of water, Powerade, and salt packets.  I can't wait to see all of you, it makes a world of difference to have a cheering squad out on the course.  One of you may even be lucky enough to get tossed my incredibly sweaty hat if it becomes uncomfortable to wear.  I also know I'll have 3 close friends cheering me on out in California, so when the 3 of you get those text message alerts rest assure that I didn't pass out!

I'd love to say this is it, I've come to terms with the weather and I won't stress out about it over the next two days, but that'd be a lie.  If it wasn't the weather, I'd be stressing out about something else.

Just in case I don't get a chance to write another blog before Monday.  To my wife:  I'm incredibly proud of how far you've come over the past five months.  You've pushed yourself like I've never seen before with your Revabs class and long distance training.  Seeing you finish New Bedford with a PR was incredible, and I hope I'm able to get to a spot to watch you finish your first Boston Marathon.  I know you'll do great and I know you'll make Paigey and I proud.  You've quietly sat back while I've bragged and boasted about my training, while in the mean time you've shaved a ton of time off your own runs.  Don't think it went unnoticed!  This won't be your last marathon, together we're going to fill our walls with metals and bibs!

To Amy:  I know you've had a rough time the past month with your ankle issue, but I also know that you're a tough stubborn Page, just like the rest of them!  I have no doubt you'll finish.  Thank you for being supportive and encouraging for the past year.  Your excitement after I finished last year's marathon was a big part of why I wanted to do this again this year!  It's been great getting to know you better through training and let's make sure this isn't the last time the 3 of us are on the same team!

To Tedy's Team:  I cannot thank you enough for selecting me to be part of the team.  You've given me the opportunity to run in honor of my dad and accomplish things I never thought possible.  I'm thankful to have helped in raising so much $$ towards a good cause.  I've met a lot of great people and have learned a lot about myself.  As long as you'll let me, I'm going to keep coming back!

One last time... If any of you want to follow our progress text the word "runner" to 345678.  Then reply with our bib numbers: 22400 (me); 22401 (Kate); 22404 (Amy); 21677 (Tedy)!

Here's to Boston, finishing safely, and new PR!

Mind dump...

First a big apology to everyone around me.  I knew the anxiety would be a lot this week and I knew I'd have my ups and downs, but holy shit!  I've been an annoying person that needs constant validation and I thank you all for bearing with me.  4 more days to get through and then the big day is finally here!  Stick with me!

Now, to blow off some of the anxiety...  the following things have been clouding my head this week:

1) The weather.  First it's 62 and partly cloudy.  Then it's 80 and sunny.  Now it's back to the low 60s.  I can't do a thing about this.  Why worry about it?  Because I've trained hard and I want my 4 hours.  If it's too hot that goes out the window.  I already know I can finish, so now I want the time.  Too bad, this is going to impact every runner out there.  Suck it up.  Okay, done.  Moving on...

2)  Which sneakers do I wear?  I've had two pair that I like.  One of them has been great for the shorter distance running and the other I've used for all the long runs.  In one pair my ankles are always sore for the first few miles, in another my foot tends to hurt more later in the run.  Coin toss?

3)  Where is everyone going to be?  I want to make sure I see everyone that's come out to support me.  I can't worry about this.  I'm one person, they'll find me.  I would love it for my entire family to be at the finish line, but I know this is impossible, and it's probably the last place I need the support.  Once you turn the corner and see the finish line in the distance it's enough to push through anything.

4)  My time.  I want the 4 hours, for myself and for all of you.  So many of my friends and family will be tracking me online I don't want them to see me approach the four hours and go over.  I want all of you that have been cheering for me over the past five months to know that I was worth cheering for and that I'm physically and mentally strong enough to accomplish everything I've set out to do.

5) What am I going to eat Monday night.  I've been pretty good about my diet, but on Monday and likely a few days after, I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want.  I asked the family to bring by chinese food, cake, and ice-cream.  I've even planned a Five Guys trip for Tuesday lunch.  Chinese?  Hmmmm.... it sounds good now, but if it's anything like last year I probably won't eat much until the next day.

6) Staying hydrated.
7) Having a relaxing movie date with the wife to see American Reunion.
8) How am I going to cross the finish line and then find a spot to watch Kate finish.
9) Amy's ankle.
10) Sleep.
11) Having a second baby.
12) My stupid haircut.
13) Shaving my head.
14) Pooping before the race (If you think I'm gross just wait until you run your first marathon).
15) My IPod headphones constantly falling out of my giant ears.
16) What's for lunch tomorrow.
17) How are Jack and Marian holding up?  And are Maeve's hands bigger than Jack's yet.
18) The mess I call a yard.

The list is just going to keep growing... I think that's a good point to stop.  I'm going to see if I can get to bed early for once.  Not the most inspirational blog, but man it feels good to get that off my chest.

Ready to run!

There's only 9 days until the Boston Marathon!  I have very little training left to go and for the first time in a long time I'm mentally ready to crush it!

Today I was driving home from work and all I wanted to do was smile and sing along to the radio.  Work has been on an upswing!  My adjusters have been doing an excellent job getting through their work and have great results to show for it.  My weight is only 1 lb. away from where I want to be the day I run my race.  I'm stronger than I've ever been, and for the first time in my life my stomach has a shape other than round!

I always have my ups and downs and I'm alway my own worst critic, but for the next 9 days I need to just keep reminding myself to stay positive, and no matter what happens on Marathon Monday to be proud of what I've done over the past 5 months.  One thing I know for certain is that if I don't make it under 4 hours this year, I'll do it eventually.  I still have the Marine Corp Marathon in October, and another yet to be determined marathon next year, but I honestly believe this will be my day!

I found an old picture of myself from a few years ago.  I took the picture right before I started a weight loss competition with one of my friends.  My plan was to take a before and after picture, only I never made it to the after picture because I never lost any weight.  I'm debating with wether or not to take a second picture next week and post them side by side.  I've never been one too thrilled to head to the beach or the pool because it meant I'd be exposing my insecurities to the world.  I created this blog to hold myself accountable, and although I don't feel like I'm going to turn any heads, I'd like to post the picture - not as an after, but as a "right now".  I'm closer than I have ever been to the fitness/physical goals I've wanted to accomplish, and this might be one last push that I could use.  Feel free to call me a douche bag now.

I'm not really sure where this blog is going, it had no real direction from the start.  I wanted to share how excited I am for next week and how proud I am to be a part of Tedy's Team.  It's been incredible seeing all the support from family and friends.  With your help we raised right around $17k!  It's a pretty incredible feeling to say that over the past 4 years my family has helped raise over $50k for the American Stroke Association and Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.    I have no plans on stopping anytime soon. It will be nice to run Marine Corp without the extra stress of fundraising, but I'll be right back on the wagon once that's passed.

I have a feeling I'll be sharing a lot next week leading up to the big day.  Don't get sick of me yet...

"I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see,

I ain't as good as I'm gonna get,

But I'm better than I used to be."  Tim McGraw

Quick Operation Me Update

So I gave in, I got my measurements done on Wednesday.

The numbers on the left are from 12/13/11, the numbers on the right are from Wednesday:           

Body Fat %: 15.2%  13.9%

Waist: 34 in  32.5 in

Abdominal: 38 in  36 in

Hip: 41 in  39.5 in

Thigh: 23.5 in  22 in

Calf: 16 in  16 in

 

Overall I'm pleased with where I ended up.  I was hoping for more on the body fat %, but I can't be disappointed, instead I can just continue to push myself.  As of now though, I'm happy with how far I've come.  I was also given my Body Fat % from 2009 and 2010.  2009 I was 19.8% and 18% in 2010.  I've come a long way almost dropping 6% in the past 2 and a half years!  As a former husky kid, I'm thrilled!

 

The next part is the important part.

2011 Marathon 4:32... goal was 4:15 on 12/13... today my new goal is 4:00!  18 days until I find out if I'm able to do it or not.  Meanwhile I'll just continue to work on operation me.

The end result, Katie, Amy & My tweetathon

Today I did one of my last hill runs before Boston.  It went well, but man was it freezing outside!  I cut it a little short and only did about 2 miles of hills as opposed to 3, but I think I'm okay with that.  After the run I spoke to one of my trainers at the gym (Jess) about my weight and measurements.  When I started this journey back at the beginning of December I posted all of my stats so that I could look back and see where I made the biggest strides.  I'm contemplating having my measurements taken again tomorrow morning to see if I've made the progress I set out to make 4 months ago.

There's an upside and a downside to doing this tomorrow.  1.  If I didn't come as far as I'd like I'm going to be discouraged and I don't want that to shape the next 3 weeks of training leading up to the marathon.  2.  If I see a change and I'm happy with it, will it give me the extra motivation I need to be disciplined and allow me to enjoy the next 3 weeks?  Tomorrow morning we'll see which direction I go, until now I'll sleep on it.

Yesterday I ended my blog saying I wanted to say something about Katie and Amy.  So, now that the excitement of the 3DD tour is behind me I can talk about that.  Katie has been an incredible support system for me for years, but especially the last four months.  Going on this journey together we've been able to keep each other in check.  Katie helps me to realize there are going to be ups and downs, but I need to have an in between too.  It's been incredible watching her grow over the past few months as well.  She looks amazing and I couldn't be more proud of her for all the hard work she's done.  She's been taking a revabs class 3-4 nights a week for the past month and is taking it throughout May.  I know it's been difficult for her having time away from me and Paige at night, but I can see what a difference it's made in her.  She's stronger and more confident.  Just last week she ran a personal best in a half marathon, just under 2:02.  Unfortunately, I rubbed off a little on her as well.  At the end she was disappointed she didn't get under 2:00, even though she took about 5 minutes off her last PR.

Amy has been an awesome running partner during the long Saturday training runs.  Amy and I often start off at the same pace and keep each other entertained during the long miles.  We sometimes split up into the run, but only for the last leg of it.  It's been incredible motivation.  Amy has helped me realize I can come close to beating 4:00 for the marathon, when originally I was aiming for 4:15.  She recently got sidelined with an injury, but should be up and ready to go on 4/16.  The past few long runs have been tough without her.  She helps me keep my pace and push through the always uncomfortable beginning of my runs.  It's been great getting to know her better over the past 4 months and I hope even after the marathon she'll considering hitting the road with me every few weeks.  I'm asking everyone that believes out there to say some prayers and send her some well wishes.  Katie and I need her out there with us on 4/16.  The 3 of us are a team.  We've done all the fundraising and training together and it won't be nearly as rewarding if we don't all cross that finish line on 4/16.

Finally, Matt reminded me that I got a PR in a half marathon a few weeks ago and failed to ever bring it up, so here I am bringing it up.  I set out to run a nice relaxing 13 miler.  I had no intent on getting a record and just wanted to enjoy the beautiful weather and get the run in.  I even took my phone so I could tweet every few miles and take some pictures along the course.  I was completely relaxed.  It was a good lesson... take a step back.  Don't take everything too serious and remember to enjoy the run.  Although I don't plan on taking my phone with me on Marathon Monday I do want to enjoy every mile.

20 days to go!

the LONG run...

It's been two weeks since I wrote a blog and as I sit here right now I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to write about, so let's see where this takes me.

To start Saturday was my 21 mile run.  I was nervous about the run, but not as nervous as last year.  I wish I had been!  It was the hardest run I've had in a long time, by far.  I started off the run at a pace faster than I should have and ended up hitting a wall at mile 19.  Mile 19-21 were tough, and by the end I was completely exhausted and it would have been a struggle to make it the full 26.2.  Could I have finished? Yes, but not in the time I want.  I started off training knowing that my 2011 time was 4:32, my goal in 2012 was 4:15.  Once the training got underway my new goal became 4:00.  Saturday made me realize that although it's attainable, it's going to be very difficult.  I have 3 long 18+ mile runs under my belt, and I did fantastic at all of them, but for some reason this 21 miler really kicked my ass.

I spoke with my coach during my training run this past week and he wants me to come in around 1:55-2:00 at the halfway mark.  I came in about 2:02 this past weekend, but that included stopping at the water stops and chatting for a bit.  I'm hoping I can cut out that time and conserve some energy to get me over the last 5 miles of the run.  I know the adrenaline of race day adds to the excitement and I know having family and friends out there on the course and others tracking me from a far will give me some extra drive.  I'm really hope to see a lot of my friends out there that day, I'm going to need you guys to push me along the course and help me achieve my goal.

And, in the case that I don't meet my 4:00 goal, here's what else I need from everyone.  Remind me of how far I've come.  Remind me that my original goal was 4:15 and anything less than 4:32 is in improvement from last year.  Remind me of all the times I blogged about how great I felt and how much I talked about everything I've overcome.  Remind me of how I inspired some of you to start running and how I'll continue to push some of you toward running a 5k, 1/2 marathon, or even a full marathon.  Most of all, remind me that all those extra hours away from my Paige were for a good cause and for setting a good example.

Finally, leading up to that day - remind me that I can do it!  Say some prayers, and send me some good vibes.  You have all probably read things about me you didn't know before and got to know a lot more about who I am and what makes me tick.  So, here's where I admit, I love to be the center of attention, and on Marathon Monday I'll take as much of it as you want to throw my way.

I'm glad I had the rough end to Saturday's run.  It reminded me that I'm not a pro at this and I have a lot to work on.  I know not to get too confident, but I also know I can get through, I just need to be smart!

I want to write more about two very important people that have made this journey with me this year, Katie and Amy - but I just got completely distracted by finding out that 3 Doors Down is coming to the area in May. I can no longer focus, haha.   I'll dedicate a blog to them later in the week.

As of right now I'm 183.  I want to see the 8 become a 7 before Marathon Monday, but I'm not sure that's going to happen.  More on that later....

How it all began...

Today as I finished up a 4 mile hill run I was walking back to the gym and saw the first crocus of the year.  Personally, I hate these flowers.  They last about a day and then they die, but they remind me of a friend's mother, Alice.  She always loved them because they were the first real sign of spring.  I had been wanting to write this blog for a while and seeing that first flower told me today was a good day.

In 2006 I was watching one of my close friends, Meghan, go through a very difficult time.  Katie and I had only know Meghan for a few short years, but she was the type of friend we knew would do anything for us and we wanted to return the favor.  Both of Meghan's parents were battling Leukemia and no matter how much we wanted to help her get through the tough time it was just one of those moments where you can never find the words to say and comfort.

This is when Katie that came up with the idea to join Team in Training and train for a half marathon while raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I hated the idea of running, I was overweight and had never run more than 3 miles before in my life, but it seemed like the perfect way to show Meghan that although our words couldn't express it, we were there to do whatever we could to help her.

We ran with Team in Training for two years.  During the first year I hated every minute of it.  I hated to run on a schedule, I wanted to do it on my own time.  I was slow and every training run hurt like hell.  Our first year we ran the San Diego Half Marathon and the second year we ran the Mayor's Half-Marathon in Anchorage Alaska (Katie did the full).  It was during my training for the second run that I really started to enjoy what I was doing, not so much the running part, but the fundraising.  We ended up throwing a big fundraiser at a local bar in Worcester and having a drawing for some great prizes.  A local band came to lend their support and a ton of our friends, family, and co-workers came to spend $$.  Katie and I ended up raising close to $20k that year.  It was an amazing feeling to know that we were helping a great cause and supporting a friend at the same time.

Unfortunately just days before we ran the second run Meghan's mom passed away.  I was in Alaska at the time of the funeral.  It was difficult, but it gave the run a new meaning.  I felt a true sense of purpose when I was running and I called Meghan and spoke to her on the phone during the last leg of the race and as I crossed the finish line.  I'll never forget that moment.  "This is for your mom, Meg!"  I have a photo of myself crossing the finish line while on the phone hanging in my basement.  I love to look back and remember that moment, even though I know it was such a difficult time for my friend.

I owe a lot of my passion for running and fundraising to the McCann clan.  Although I no longer run for Team in Training, I think of Alice a lot while I'm out running and always remember why I started this incredible journey.  The McCanns will always be very special to me, and in the future to Paige - Meg is her godmother after all.

Now although I'm no longer running for Team in Training Meghan's brother-in-law and Alice and Bill's son-in-law, Brain is competing in the 2012 Ironman in their memory.  Brian is raising money for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.  He's currently running a fundraiser for a March Madness.  If you have an extra $20 sign up and help him out!

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/group/33856/invitation?key=e6df8859dad34364

Wow.

I had a pity party in last week's blog, so I want to get passed that.  First of all I want to thank some individuals that reached out to me (Patty, Tricia, Jack, Aunt Jane and Matt), I really appreciate your words of encouragement and sharing some of your own stories.  Most importantly I want to thank Kate for giving me a good level setting pep talk the next morning.  I need to realize that I have too many ups and downs, not enough in betweens.  Good news is today I'm back down to 182 and I'm feeling pretty good.

Now just a quick blog to say THANK YOU!  We had our bowling tournament on Saturday and the response was overwhelming.  I couldn't believe how many friends, family, teammates and co-workers came out to show their support.  It was especially nice for me to see so many of my cousins come out.  I have a big family and it's not often we get to see each other, but it's great to know that when it matters we're all there for each other.

We raised over $6k on the event and I'm hoping going forward it'll be a yearly tradition.  I can't thank you enough.  I hope I make everyone of you proud when I'm out there running for Tedy's Team on April 16th.

Operation Me needs help.

I knew I was in trouble today when "Pages" come up on my IPod and rather than listening to it and reminding myself what I've overcome I skipped it because I didn't want to slip into my old self.

This is the week I rely on this blog to push me over a hurdle.  The past few blogs have been all about how great I've been doing, how fantastic my time has been, and how little the number on the scale means to me.  I am proud of my accomplishments, but this week I hit a wall.  It's the same fucking wall I hit every time I'm involved in an exercise routine, only this time it's really sending me off the deep end.

Every exercise routine and training season I get to the edge of being at my ultimate goal.  I get to a point where I know that if I just push a little harder and be a little more dedicated I'll achieve the number on the scale and have the body image that I want, but for some reason I can't take that last step.  Instead of doing what I need to do I get lazy and I settle for good enough.  I start to indulge in food that I had been so good about avoiding, and not just a little I go full throttle.  Well, it happened again the past two weeks.  I ran a great half marathon and saw the weight on the scale drop to 182.  I stopped watching what I ate and I started pushing myself too hard when I knew my body needed a rest.  Now my legs are tired and my weight is back up.

I weighed back in at 186 today.  I know to some this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it's more than just a number.  I know just last week I said the opposite, but I lied.  The number does matter to me.  It shows me that I'm not as far along as I thought I was.  Physically do I know I can achieve my goal of 4 hours?  Yes.  Mentally?  Well, if the scale tells me anything it's that I still have a lot to do before I overcome my biggest weaknesses of low self esteem and the fat kid that looms within.  Again, I know it may seem like I'm just looking for  reasons to be down on myself, but this very reason is why I started this blog.  I hoped I had gotten passed this, but I finally got to the point where I need help.

I like to think I've been there for many of my friends being supportive and pushing them along.  I hope that wasn't just in my head.  Now I need your help.  I need to be held accountable.  I need someone to check up on me.  I need to get passed this point and have a consistent confidence in myself.  I'm open to any suggestions or any methods.  Hurl the insults.  Send the midnight texts to keep me away from the late night snack.  Punch me in the balls.  I just need help.  I know this feeling I have right now too well, it snowballs and eventually defeats me.

I took a step on my own today and signed up for the Marine Corp Marathon down in DC in October.  I figure having to train for another marathon only six months away will keep me somewhat on track, I just hope its enough.  I hope this feeling comes and goes quickly this time around.  I have six weeks until Boston and I need to go into it as strong as I can physically and mentally.

Pride, it's not just a deadly sin anymore...

So yesterday I wrote about a lot of people that mean a great deal to me and that have helped shape me into the man I am today.  I'm proud to call those people my friends and proud of all their accomplishments, but now I want to talk about me.

Today I want to write about one of the proudest moments in my life (aside from the day I feel in love with my baby girl and the joys that being a father will bring).  For those of you that have known me for a while you may recall that I've always said the proudest day of my life was the day I sank a reese's pieces into Katie's bottle of diet coke from across the room, and although I'm proud of that moment, it's not something I'll be bragging about years from now (although it has been 12 years and here I am writing about it).  I'm talking about the incredible run I had this past Sunday.

My first half marathon took place in San Diego (to which one day I will return to take on the full) back in 2007.  At the time I hated running, every mile was a struggle and I wanted nothing to do with it beyond this race.  At the time I weighed just over 200 pounds and finished the race in 2 hours and 22 minutes, which averages out to be about an 11 minute mile.  After returning from San Diego I stopped running for a while until taking on the Mayors Half Marathon in Anchorage Alaska in 2008.  This time my weight was still around 200 pounds, but I finished around 2 hours and 12 minutes, about a 10 minute mile.  It took a lot longer for me to hit the road again and I didn't run another organized race until the 2010 Falmouth Road Race.

This time I was running with a purpose.  I had a new baby girl and was out to set that positive example for her.  I signed up for the 2011 Boston Marathon and finished it in 4 hours 32 minutes.  When I finished the marathon I weighed in at 172 pounds and averaged about 10 minute 45 second miles.  After signing up for the 2012 Marathon I was determined to take time off my race.  I set a goal of 4 hours and 15 minutes, but over the past few weeks have come to realize I'm much stronger than I used to be and I'm ready for a real challenge.

That brings me to this past Sunday.  Running the half marathon I realized how far I had come.  What I once took a full season to train for was now nothing but a training run for a bigger prize.  I ended up finishing the race in 1 hour 48 minutes, and 8 minute 16 second pace!  It was an incredible feeling for me.  When I looked down at my watch as I was about a quarter mile from the finish line I couldn't believe I was coming in at under 1:50 and couldn't help but have the biggest grin across my face.  I couldn't wait to hug Katie and tell her my results.  I couldn't wait to get my phone and text my friends that I know are always cheering me on, and I couldn't wait to hit facebook and twitter with my accomplishment, I was proud and I still am.  And most of all, I'm ready to finish the Boston Marathon in less than 4 hours!  My original weight loss goal was to get back down to 172, but I know now that I've gained a lot of muscle that's making me realize maybe I am an athlete after all and that the number on the scale isn't the prize.

I know too much pride can be a bad thing, but right now it feels pretty damn good!

Thankful for the runs...

My friend Matt sent me an interesting article from active.com.  The title of the article leaves a little to be desired, but here's the first few sentences:  Running brings people together.  New running buddies can go from strangers to close friends in only a few days.

There's no doubt in my mind that that's the truth.  Since I started running I have gotten to know a number of great people.  Training for the Boston Marathon in 2011 introduced me to a fantastic group of individuals.  One of those runners, Bethany, helped me push through a difficult end to last years marathon. I was with her the moment I crossed the finish line, and I'll forever be thankful for her support.  I have no doubt in my mind Amy and I will provide the same support to each other this year and that Bethany will do the same for Katie.

Recently a co-worker of mine had reached out to me for guidance on training for a marathon.  During this time we started running together and he's no longer a co-worker (partly because he quit), but a close friend.  Our conversations went from how he could improve his stride and distance to talking about family, faith, some pretty big life decisions, and eventually to just good old fashion bullshit.  He's since started his journey back to his home state of California, but we've made a pact to run a marathon together in 2013.  I'm hopeful I was able to make his time away from home easier and provide him with some good advice.  I know I'm thankful to him for giving me a renewed confidence in myself at work and on the road.  It was the first time anyone has ever looked at me as somewhat of a mentor, and I think it was important for me to realize I impact people every day in my life at work and home.  Good luck Jack, and I'll see you soon my friend.

Running has the same impact on old friends.  Damien and I have been good friends since high school.  We've had some years that we've barely seen each other and some where we actually lived together, like our freshman year of college.  I can honestly say  I've gotten to know more about him in the past two years of running with him than the previous 13.  We're both lucky enough to have fantastic wives and children, but when we're out on the road running it's our chance to just open up.  I really appreciate that time and look forward to getting out there on a more frequent basis.

Then, there's Matt... good old Matt.  He's probably one of the best guys I could have ever asked to be a part of my family's life.  I didn't need running to get to know him, our relationship is pretty wide open.  Here's just a taste of how he tries to lift you up when you're down: "One of these days I am just going to punch you in the balls.  That will take care of all your frustrations and self-doubt.   After that you’ll have tons of confidence because you can say, I survived ball punching 2012."  Now is probably a good time to say the article I'm referencing is one that Matt sent me, and the title is "When Can I Talk about My Poop?: A Runner's Conversation Guide."  The answer, since day one.  Sorry Katie and Nina.

Finally, I wanted to just throw a shout out to a friend of mine that recently started the couch to 5k program.  I want her to know how incredibly proud I am of her.  She got the strength to open her own business in 2011 and is now working hard to get to where she wants to be in her personal life.  There's going to be ups and downs, but stick with it!

I may not have hundreds of Christmas cards to mail out each year, but I do have some pretty remarkable people in my life (not all named above).  Wether they're 3,000 miles away or just down the hill I'm incredibly grateful for the guidance, support, and complete insanity that comes from each of you.  I love running and I love that a hobby I'm so passionate about has given me the opportunity to form incredible bonds with people that I otherwise may not have.

Oh yeah - this weeks weigh in, I lost a half pound - 182.  7 weeks and 7 pounds to go...

More to come this week on my PR in the Hyannis Half Marathon!

    

Our failure sometimes leads to our greatest success...

Last week reminded me that anger, failure, and despair are all part of being human.  I had been doing really well with training and my overall attitude toward the marathon, work, and life in general, but it came to an abrupt end last week.  

It started with my heartbreak hill run a few Saturdays ago.  My training had been going great, but on what should have been a simple 11 mile run I could barely get my feet off the ground.  I ran with my orthodics for the first time, and it was a terrible idea.  My knee hurt for the first time in months and it turned out to be one of my longest runs to date.  I tried to pick myself back up with a short four miler on Sunday, but had to cut it down to two when my ankles were so sore that I could barely bend them.  That was followed by two more unsuccessful attempts to have a good run on Monday and Wednesday. 

The terrible training runs were (notice I put training in front of the word runs so Matt couldn't make a joke here) coupled with some building pressure at work and a difficult conversation with my parents to make for one hell of a week.  Work was a combination of feeling unappreciated and unsuccessful in a position I sometimes don't feel I'm the best fit for, while the conversation with my parents stemmed from a past blog I had wrote.

Here's where the title of my blog comes in today.  All of these things mounting up to a giant failure each had a turning point by the end of the week.  First, I was able to finally tell my parents where I was coming from with my running and get them to understand that I do this for my physical health, but as well for my mental health.  Running is my opportunity to get out and leave the stress of the work day or life in general behind.  They had an opportunity to read my past blog, and were hurt by some of my comments, but what they didn't get was the opportunity to read any of my previous postings.  I sent them my entire blog later in the week so they could understand the context of what it is I'm doing on here and why it's important to me.

Second, by some off chance just as I was feeling down about my job two of my adjusters come out of the wood work to thank me for all the hard work I've done for them over the past year and how much they've appreciated it.  Thank you!  Sometimes wether we know where doing a good job or not it's great to hear of the impact we can have.

Finally, on Thursday night I went for a five mile run with my friend Jack.  It was the first run in a week where my ankles didn't hurt, my foot wasn't sore, and I ran without any real discomfort.  I had some great conversation with him during the run that circles back to my confidence at work and how adjusters on other teams view me as well.  It was a great way to mentally prepare me for Saturday when I ran the best 18.67 miles of my life.  It started off difficult, but after about 4 or 5 miles I hit a stride that pushed me to the very end in record time.  It was an incredible feeling that really has my mind set on the ultimate prize - completing Boston in 4 hours time!

My 18 + miler put me in a better mood then I could have ever had asked.  I ended up out until 2am celebrating and woke up bright and early the next day with zero pain or soreness!  But like last week, there have already been ups and downs to this week.  Last night was mentally tough after having a 3 day weekend.  I just have to keep reminding myself it's all part of being human.

Finally - today's weigh in 182.5 and down to a new loop on the belt buckle.  Slow and steady...

10 things that I find annoying...

My blogs have been very honest and sometimes difficult to share, this will not be one of those blogs.  Today I ran heartbreak hill (10.7 miles), and it was miserable.  I don't know if it's because I've been sick or if because I have new inserts for my sneakers to help with my foot pain, but one way or another it sucked.  Every mile was a struggle.  It was down right annoying...

So while I was running today I thought hey, why not share some of the other things I find annoying (in no particular order):

1. Taylor Swift (not so much her music, but her perky attitude)
2. The McDonald's commercial with the chick that'll only drink real organic coffee - get over yourself lady!
3. Bon Jovi singing about rainbows.  Dude, that song is terrible.
4. People that stand on the escalator - isn't our country lazy enough - the stairs are moving for you, just give the little extra effort and make it to the top a few seconds quicker.
5. Kimberly Daher and her Commonwealth motor Ads - "Daaaaad!"  Someone shut that chick up!
6. Finding Nemo - loved this movie, and now so does Paige - every day, all the time...
7. Katherine Heigl and pretty much any movie she's a part of... 
8. Girl Scout cookies - I don't mind helping raise money, but stop raising the price and shrinking the box!
9. People thinking I like Nickelback - I don't.  I hate them, I really really hate them!  Just because I like 3DD do not associate me or them with Nickelback!  
10. ABC and how they cancel every show I get sucked into (Flash Forward/V).  I refuse to watch the River because I know that'll just end the season on a cliffhanger and get canceled.  

Okay, there I feel better.  Now I can go out and have a fantastic 18 mile run next Saturday with a bunch of smaller runs in between!

A loogie a day keeps the running at bay...

I'm a few days late with this weeks update.  I weighed in this week at 183.6.  I'm considering that a victory considering I ate myself sick with the rest of America on Super Bowl Sunday.  Ah, the Super Bowl - not quite the outcome I was hoping for, but it was an unbelievable game with a disappointing end.  The Patriots gave us one heck of a season!  

Marathon training hit a bit of a snag this week.  I'm fighting a cold that prevented me from my normal Wednesday hill run and my Thursday morning strength training class, but I hit the road again tonight with my buddy from work.  It's nice to get out there and run with new friends, it's a great way to get to know people.  Just a few weeks ago he told me how much he hated to run, now he looks forward to it. I'm not taking the credit, just glad to have another member in the running club.  Next goal - get him and a few others on board for full out marathon training (Damien/Matt)!  

It's been especially nice getting to know people during some of the long Tedy's Team runs.  Last year I met some great people and this year I've been running along side my cousin-in-law, Amy.  It's been really great getting to know her better, especially since Paige and her son, Evan are becoming such great friends.

This was a tough week at work, and I think being sick and skipping out on my normal workouts made it that much more difficult.  As I said my training instills confidence in me which I think spills over into my job.  I'm in a position where I can't have people questioning whether or not I believe in myself, and some days that's difficult.  Good thing I'm lucky enough to come home to a wife that thinks the world of me.  She really does keep me going day in and day out.

This weekend it's another Heartbreak Hill run!  Hopefully I'll leave my cold behind me somewhere in the middle of the hills and next week will start off fresh and snot free!

This one's for Jenn

I'm going to keep this post on the shorter side because tomorrow is my normal blogging day, but today is an important day that I didn't want to pass with out some recognition and gratitude.  3 years ago today my best friend of 18 years, Jenn, passed away from complications of Cystic Fibrosis.

Jenn was an important person in my life, and always will be.  She always knew how to make me laugh and was always there to support me through all the hard times.  The two years before she passed away I was in a rough place, depressed, lost and miserable to everyone around me.  It took losing Jenn to put my life back in prospective.  I hate that I had spent so much time feeling sorry for myself that I missed out on being there for her during her difficult times.

One thing that Jenn always said was that if she could change any part of her life, she wouldn't.  She said that all the difficulties that came with her disease shaped her into the person she became.  She was a strong woman that taught me many lessons.  The most important lesson was that we can't live our life with regrets.  The experiences we live are responsible for making us who we are.

Jenn was such an amazing friend.  My hope is that I can be half the friend she was to me to any of you.

12 weeks to go...

I want to start by thanking everyone for all the support and encouragement that I received after my last blog entry.  That entry in particular was difficult to write.  I really appreciate all of your comments.

Today was weigh in day - I'm down to 183.8!  10.8 pounds to reach my marathon goal weight, at least what started off as my goal weight.  I'm not giving up on my fitness goals, just reassessing.  10.8 pounds might be too much for me to lose in the 12 weeks that I have left between now and the marathon, it may also be unrealistic.  I'm not sure I have that weight to lose without losing muscle.  My approach this year has been completely different and I've been focusing a lot on strength training.  I feel it every day when I run, I'm stronger and faster than I was last year.  I have the confidence to crush this marathon!

Now, to clear the mind...  It's been a difficult week for me in some respects.  I had a long conversation with my mom about the marathon and some of the sacrifice that has come with it.  Katie and I train every Saturday morning, which means time away from Paige.  It's not an easy choice each week to get up early on a 6th day and leave my baby behind, but it is MY choice - one clearly my mom and dad don't understand.

When I was growing up I had very little self esteem and I gave up on trying a lot of new things (mostly sports).  I never thought I was good enough and was always too concerned about what other people thought of me.  My parents tried to get me to participate, but in the end I won out and ended up sitting on the sideline.  I don't blame them for this, at the time it's what I thought I wanted.  Now that I'm older, I realize it didn't matter how good I was, but what mattered was me getting out there and trying and I was too afraid to do that.

Now this is my chance to participate and push myself to new limits.  It doesn't matter how well I do, or what others think of me.  What matters is that I get out there and push myself.  Last year when I finished the Boston Marathon I felt a sense of accomplishment I had never felt before.  And what topped it all off was the reaction I got from those cheering me on - specifically my brother.  Besides Keith's best man speech at my wedding it was one of the first times I knew I had made him proud.  It made all the long weeks of training and the complete exhaustion worth it.

It's important for me to have Paige see me in the same light and I know Katie feels the same way.  I want her to grow up seeing me and Katie challenge ourselves and live an active and healthy lifestyle.  I want her to look forward to Marathon Monday and look forward to the day she gets to run it with us.  My training runs aren't going to end after April 16th.  I'm going to continue to get out there, and when the weather improves I'm going to take Paige along for the ride.  For now it'll be in her stroller, but one day it'll be something we all do as a family.

Getting back to my mom and dad... I know they love and respect me and Katie, but they don't necessarily respect our choices.  I just hope one day they'll realize  I live my life to set an example for Paige, to encourage her and to give her a role model to be proud of.  I love my parents and appreciate everything they've done and do for me, but man can they drive me nuts!  I want them to come and see me run on marathon Monday because they're proud of the man I've become and proud of me for achieving my goal, not because I ask them to or because they feel obligated.  I decided to run for Tedy's Team for a number of reasons, but the most important reason was to honor my dad.

One thing about becoming a parent makes you realize, you can't always please your children - and you certainly can't always please their grandparents!

This message will self destruct...