Yesterday morning, while it was 30 degrees and windy as hell, I was outside in the pitch black running up and down the hills of the Hanover parking lot. It was a cold run, but it was a good time for me to reflect - and as I've stated before, I like to reflect. The purpose of this blog was to push me along, holding me accountable for my fitness goals. I also want it to be a place where I can post my thoughts and clear my head, keeping me focused.
As I was running up and down the hills "Pages" came on my playlist. It's an important song to me. It brings me back to a moment in time that I can remember every little detail of... Back in 2008 I was on Team in Training and was preparing to run a half marathon in Alaska. It was a tough time for me. Most of 2007 and 2008 was a very difficult time for me. At the beginning of 2007 I went on Lamisil to help me with a little toenail issue (told you I was going to be honest!), and unfortunately I suffered from some serious side effects. The medication caused me to have some serious nightmares in my sleep and terrible daydreams while I was awake. Then, shortly after this started to occur I completely lost my sense of taste. At that point I figured out it was the Lamisil and stopped taking it immediately. I was lucky enough to stop taking it before it did any liver damage. My sense of taste came back a few months later, but the damage had been done. I lost a lot of weight since I wasn't really eating and never really bounced back from the dreams. These effects lingered for a while and coupled with the stress of buying a new house I slipped into a depressed state. I felt alone, even though I knew I had an extremely supportive wife and some close friends that were extremely concerned for my well being. One way or another I couldn't pull myself out of it. Which brings me to "Pages".
I was running one of my longer training runs, which at the time was probably around 7 miles, and I was by myself on a side street in Grafton. I was approaching an overpass to the Mass Pike, about 3 or 4 houses down when Pages came on my IPod. I had heard the song before, but I had never really listened to the lyrics. This time I did, and they struck me hard. It was all the emotions and frustrations I was feeling. I remember the exact house I was in front and I remember bursting into tears at that very moment. I had to stop and collect my thoughts before I continued on. It was my first step toward making things right again.
Hearing that song yesterday still brings me back, but now I think about how far I've come and how lucky I am to have Katie in my life. She stayed by my side when I know it had to be difficult, and I know she'll always stay by my side. It's funny, there's a song off 3DD's newest album (Heaven) that sums up what Katie is for me and how she helped me through some of the most dark days. I'm so thankful to have her and thankful to have triggers that remind me of how far I've come. It's little things like this that keep me motivated to push forward and achieve everything I'm hoping to over the next year.
**disclaimer** yes I'm aware that I reference 3DD a lot, but I enjoy their music which shouldn't be a surprise to any of you that care enough to read my blog. And for those that didn't pick up on it, the title of my blog is also a 3DD song - BAM!
Also want to thank Matt, Jack and Jenn for supporting me during this time. Jenn, I think about you every day and will never forget you.
ReplyDeleteDan,, you are a very unique young man. NEVER give up your dreams. It sounds like you have a. Very strong relationship with your wife.
ReplyDelete